removing obstacles to practice
Mar. 6th, 2019 05:28 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cattasallaI've recently realized I have two major obstacles to my own practice that I'm now shedding. They are ideas about how to practice deeply that I now realize were wrong ideas that are getting in the way of my progress! They are: That I need to do a lot of sitting, and that I need to do very in-depth sutta study.
For the in-depth sutta study, I was originally inspired by the scholars who just know so much and write such interesting things. I wanted so much to contribute to that knowledge; as a scientist, after all, most of my time has been spent contributing to knowledge. Even though I knew that I would never be anything singificant, I still hoped I could at least do something! And I admired those people who were able to spout off a relevant sutta reference immediately, given any prompt. I wanted to be one of those.
Yeah, those aren't rooted in wholesome aspirations so much as unwholesome desires, probably falling under the notion of "conceit".
And, in fact, the ability to spout of a relevant sutta reference immediately, given any prompt, means absolutely nothing about the quality of a person's practice. It just means they have a detailed knowledge of some words. It doesn't necessarily mean they've applied the ideas in them to their lives.
Moreover, this attitude was probably impeding my sutta study more than helping it. I'm moving through the Majjhima Nikāya at an excruciating pace, because I'm making copious notes with the fantasy of eventually publishing some sort of concordance. This fantasy, and the depth to which I'm working on it, is not helping me. I am going to continue my studies of the suttas, and of Pāli, but instead of being a scholar about it, making painstaking notes, I'm just going to read them for inspiration and jot down things that strike me as I'm reading them. Really, I have the rest of my life to go over the suttas again and again, if I want.
I do think both study and practice are important. And I actually do think I've maintained a decent balance between the two. But I think I've been going about my studying wrong, or at least not in away that's very helpful to me in my practice. So I'm re-gearing that.
The other thing is my sitting. I've noticed, by watching others, that sitting a lot every day--like on the scale of hours--does not necessarily translate to becoming a kinder, more compassionate, self-aware person. It really just means that you're sitting a lot every day, and that's it. I felt driven to sit for longer and longer periods because I thought that would be the best way to cultivate calm, and peace, and samādhi. But now I see daily life practice is actually more conducive to cultivating samādhi on the cushion than long periods of sitting every day. The sitting should really support me acting skillfully as I navigate the world, instead of being and end in and of itself. And then cultivating skillful, wholesome states while navigating the world then supports sitting practice. So, less time on the cushion, more time out in the world where I have the opportunity to practice and train in the wholesome.
Every day I feel like I'm a complete beginner to the Dhamma...
For the in-depth sutta study, I was originally inspired by the scholars who just know so much and write such interesting things. I wanted so much to contribute to that knowledge; as a scientist, after all, most of my time has been spent contributing to knowledge. Even though I knew that I would never be anything singificant, I still hoped I could at least do something! And I admired those people who were able to spout off a relevant sutta reference immediately, given any prompt. I wanted to be one of those.
Yeah, those aren't rooted in wholesome aspirations so much as unwholesome desires, probably falling under the notion of "conceit".
And, in fact, the ability to spout of a relevant sutta reference immediately, given any prompt, means absolutely nothing about the quality of a person's practice. It just means they have a detailed knowledge of some words. It doesn't necessarily mean they've applied the ideas in them to their lives.
Moreover, this attitude was probably impeding my sutta study more than helping it. I'm moving through the Majjhima Nikāya at an excruciating pace, because I'm making copious notes with the fantasy of eventually publishing some sort of concordance. This fantasy, and the depth to which I'm working on it, is not helping me. I am going to continue my studies of the suttas, and of Pāli, but instead of being a scholar about it, making painstaking notes, I'm just going to read them for inspiration and jot down things that strike me as I'm reading them. Really, I have the rest of my life to go over the suttas again and again, if I want.
I do think both study and practice are important. And I actually do think I've maintained a decent balance between the two. But I think I've been going about my studying wrong, or at least not in away that's very helpful to me in my practice. So I'm re-gearing that.
The other thing is my sitting. I've noticed, by watching others, that sitting a lot every day--like on the scale of hours--does not necessarily translate to becoming a kinder, more compassionate, self-aware person. It really just means that you're sitting a lot every day, and that's it. I felt driven to sit for longer and longer periods because I thought that would be the best way to cultivate calm, and peace, and samādhi. But now I see daily life practice is actually more conducive to cultivating samādhi on the cushion than long periods of sitting every day. The sitting should really support me acting skillfully as I navigate the world, instead of being and end in and of itself. And then cultivating skillful, wholesome states while navigating the world then supports sitting practice. So, less time on the cushion, more time out in the world where I have the opportunity to practice and train in the wholesome.
Every day I feel like I'm a complete beginner to the Dhamma...