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When eradicating a harmful behavior, I find I have to work from two directions. First I need to recognize the causes, then I need to work on actually changing the behavior.
Any behavior has causes. These causes may be surface-level desires or fears, or they may be rooted in deep unconscious structures and traumas. Many times we do something harmful to ourselves or others without fully understanding why we're doing it. So it's important to unearth these causes, and understand why we do what we do. If we do not understand and address these subtle or deep causes, we will never be successful at changing a behavior we want to change. As long as the causes remain, the impulse to behave in that way will continue.
But I find this often isn't enough. I have seen some assert that all one needs to do is become aware of one's own behavior, and its causes and consequences, and that person will naturally let go. And sometimes this works, but often for me it is not enough. Perhaps I haven't penetrated with enough wisdom, but in any case I often find more work is needed. These behaviors are usually ones that have been repeated and reinforced over our whole lives (possibly even more, if we do indeed have multiple lives). Even if we understand the motivations and reasons for our harmful decisions, the force of habit will still pull us in that direction. So in every moment, we need to realize we have a choice: To follow-through on harmful behaviors, or to take deliberate and helpful actions--even if that action is merely restraint. The more we make the better choices, the easier they will become to make in the future, until that itself becomes a habit.
A quick aside: I do not want to be misinterpreted here as "you choose your reality" or "you choose your moods" or something. I don't want to end up on r/thanksimcured! As someone with a severe mental illness rooted in my physiology and genetics, which thus requires medication, I would say that while it's arguable that everything is a choice, it might not be within our capabilities to make that choice. This will be a topic for a future post, but I would say that part of the practice of the Dhamma and mindfulness is to strengthen our ability to broaden our control over more of our minds and lives, but there are some things we may not ever be able to control. In any event, acceptance of where you're at is necessary, even if you want to make a change afterwards.
Any behavior has causes. These causes may be surface-level desires or fears, or they may be rooted in deep unconscious structures and traumas. Many times we do something harmful to ourselves or others without fully understanding why we're doing it. So it's important to unearth these causes, and understand why we do what we do. If we do not understand and address these subtle or deep causes, we will never be successful at changing a behavior we want to change. As long as the causes remain, the impulse to behave in that way will continue.
But I find this often isn't enough. I have seen some assert that all one needs to do is become aware of one's own behavior, and its causes and consequences, and that person will naturally let go. And sometimes this works, but often for me it is not enough. Perhaps I haven't penetrated with enough wisdom, but in any case I often find more work is needed. These behaviors are usually ones that have been repeated and reinforced over our whole lives (possibly even more, if we do indeed have multiple lives). Even if we understand the motivations and reasons for our harmful decisions, the force of habit will still pull us in that direction. So in every moment, we need to realize we have a choice: To follow-through on harmful behaviors, or to take deliberate and helpful actions--even if that action is merely restraint. The more we make the better choices, the easier they will become to make in the future, until that itself becomes a habit.
A quick aside: I do not want to be misinterpreted here as "you choose your reality" or "you choose your moods" or something. I don't want to end up on r/thanksimcured! As someone with a severe mental illness rooted in my physiology and genetics, which thus requires medication, I would say that while it's arguable that everything is a choice, it might not be within our capabilities to make that choice. This will be a topic for a future post, but I would say that part of the practice of the Dhamma and mindfulness is to strengthen our ability to broaden our control over more of our minds and lives, but there are some things we may not ever be able to control. In any event, acceptance of where you're at is necessary, even if you want to make a change afterwards.