Upāsaka Cattasallā (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cattasalla) wrote2025-05-04 04:57 pm
cattasalla) wrote2025-05-04 04:57 pm
What does it mean to go with the flow?
When most Westerners think of Buddhism, the slogan “go with the flow” likely occurs to them. Along with “be present” and “let go,” “go with the flow” is a phrase connected to our religion in the popular consciousness. I would like to note that these ideas are present in any wisdom tradition anywhere in the world in some form, because they are basic principles for living a good, free, and happy life. A connection between the slogan and Dhamma is not spurious, but I think what it really means is widely misunderstood.
What it does not mean, at least according to Buddhists: Follow every whim, give in to every craving, and chase every desire that pops up in the mind. This misunderstanding was lodged into me three decades ago, as a young person who discovered Timothy Leary around the age of 18. I understood it the way Leary understood it, as a license for hedonism. My history is filled with copious sensual pleasures—“sex, drugs, and rock and roll,” as we used to say. But this isn't “going with the flow” in the way we mean it as Buddhists, and it took the harsh side of the Thai Forest tradition to dislodge this incorrect understanding. This was being pushed around by my desires. This was being trapped by them. This was not acting with a free heart and mind.
That's the key here: a free heart and mind. When the heart and mind are free, one doesn't compulsively chase sensual pleasures, driven by a wish to never be bored or uncomfortable. Instead, a heart and mind that are truly free are imbued with the qualities of clarity, peace, joyful bliss, and wisdom. With that wisdom, in any situation the right course of action will spontaneously arise according to the circumstances of that situation. This is what “go with the flow” means. That is not to say one will never make a mistake, nor do unintentional harm. Wisdom is always based on the knowledge available, and it is not omniscience. But it does mean one will learn from those mistakes. It also doesn't mean avoiding all sensual pleasures. It means not being imprisoned by the desire for them.
The Buddha taught that a fully enlightened person can experience any sensual pleasure freely because they do so without attachment. For those of us more motivated by reaching for pleasure than avoiding pain, we can easily delude ourselves into thinking we are participating in it without attachment. It is easy for us to delude ourselves into thinking we are actually free. I sure did. If you think that, ask yourself if that's really true. There's a reason “I can quit any time” is a cliché said by addicts insisting they are not addicts. If we try to restrain ourselves, the pressure of the desire will very quickly produce a mental lawyer laying out arguments for why we should indulge. When I tried to restrain myself, I realized I was lying to myself about how free I actually was.
Of course, outward acts of restraint are pointless without the inward letting go. Gritting one's teeth without doing the work to genuinely see through the illusions supporting craving does no good. True renunciation is that internal relinquishment by which one is no longer compelled by craving. One can practice all the austerities they want, but none of them matter, unless the heart and mind are genuinely freed. This is the only form of renunciation that actually counts. Indeed, this is why there are many schools of Buddhism, such as Zen, or Tantric schools, such as Mahāmudrā or Dzogchen, that do not require outward acts of restraint. They have techniques for bringing about true renunciation without such abstention. For someone like me, though, abstention is necessary for the self-discipline that tills the soil for the seeds of true renunciation. If this resonates with you, or if you are having a strong reaction to reject this, you might want to consider whether it would actually benefit you to also engage in behavioral restraint.
I will pause here to note the disclaimer Ayya Sudhamma gives when she teaches about renunciation. If you are facing depression or drowning in anxiety, and that bowl of ice cream or that TV show is the only thing keeping you afloat, the only pleasure you are able to find in an otherwise unrelentingly painful life, sense restraint practices are not for you. If you are already standing on a ground of worldly happiness, spiritual happiness is much easier to reach. If you are swallowed by despair, do what you can to find any safe form of joy, and most importantly, get help from a professional.
What does it mean to “go with the flow”? The world is ever-changing. Your life circumstances are ever-changing. The situations you are in are ever-changing. Going with the flow means being adaptable and flexible, with the ability to respond to life's vagaries with spontaneity and wisdom. It means not being compelled, but acting rightly with perfect freedom.
What it does not mean, at least according to Buddhists: Follow every whim, give in to every craving, and chase every desire that pops up in the mind. This misunderstanding was lodged into me three decades ago, as a young person who discovered Timothy Leary around the age of 18. I understood it the way Leary understood it, as a license for hedonism. My history is filled with copious sensual pleasures—“sex, drugs, and rock and roll,” as we used to say. But this isn't “going with the flow” in the way we mean it as Buddhists, and it took the harsh side of the Thai Forest tradition to dislodge this incorrect understanding. This was being pushed around by my desires. This was being trapped by them. This was not acting with a free heart and mind.
That's the key here: a free heart and mind. When the heart and mind are free, one doesn't compulsively chase sensual pleasures, driven by a wish to never be bored or uncomfortable. Instead, a heart and mind that are truly free are imbued with the qualities of clarity, peace, joyful bliss, and wisdom. With that wisdom, in any situation the right course of action will spontaneously arise according to the circumstances of that situation. This is what “go with the flow” means. That is not to say one will never make a mistake, nor do unintentional harm. Wisdom is always based on the knowledge available, and it is not omniscience. But it does mean one will learn from those mistakes. It also doesn't mean avoiding all sensual pleasures. It means not being imprisoned by the desire for them.
The Buddha taught that a fully enlightened person can experience any sensual pleasure freely because they do so without attachment. For those of us more motivated by reaching for pleasure than avoiding pain, we can easily delude ourselves into thinking we are participating in it without attachment. It is easy for us to delude ourselves into thinking we are actually free. I sure did. If you think that, ask yourself if that's really true. There's a reason “I can quit any time” is a cliché said by addicts insisting they are not addicts. If we try to restrain ourselves, the pressure of the desire will very quickly produce a mental lawyer laying out arguments for why we should indulge. When I tried to restrain myself, I realized I was lying to myself about how free I actually was.
Of course, outward acts of restraint are pointless without the inward letting go. Gritting one's teeth without doing the work to genuinely see through the illusions supporting craving does no good. True renunciation is that internal relinquishment by which one is no longer compelled by craving. One can practice all the austerities they want, but none of them matter, unless the heart and mind are genuinely freed. This is the only form of renunciation that actually counts. Indeed, this is why there are many schools of Buddhism, such as Zen, or Tantric schools, such as Mahāmudrā or Dzogchen, that do not require outward acts of restraint. They have techniques for bringing about true renunciation without such abstention. For someone like me, though, abstention is necessary for the self-discipline that tills the soil for the seeds of true renunciation. If this resonates with you, or if you are having a strong reaction to reject this, you might want to consider whether it would actually benefit you to also engage in behavioral restraint.
I will pause here to note the disclaimer Ayya Sudhamma gives when she teaches about renunciation. If you are facing depression or drowning in anxiety, and that bowl of ice cream or that TV show is the only thing keeping you afloat, the only pleasure you are able to find in an otherwise unrelentingly painful life, sense restraint practices are not for you. If you are already standing on a ground of worldly happiness, spiritual happiness is much easier to reach. If you are swallowed by despair, do what you can to find any safe form of joy, and most importantly, get help from a professional.
What does it mean to “go with the flow”? The world is ever-changing. Your life circumstances are ever-changing. The situations you are in are ever-changing. Going with the flow means being adaptable and flexible, with the ability to respond to life's vagaries with spontaneity and wisdom. It means not being compelled, but acting rightly with perfect freedom.